When I was a little girl, my father came home and announced that we were moving to Argentina. My first question was whether I could have a pet monkey. Clearly, my understanding of South America was a little underdeveloped.
Living there turned out to be one of the great gifts of my life.
When I returned to the United States after graduating from high school, I experienced culture shock. Although we had visited every couple of years, living here again was different. I hadn't grown up immersed in television, celebrity culture, or many of the assumptions that surrounded my peers. I realized that what people accepted as "normal" often depended on where they had grown up. Ideas I assumed were universal turned out to be cultural. Ways of solving problems varied. People interpreted the same events through entirely different lenses. Rather than making me uncertain, those experiences made me curious.
That experience taught me early on that perspective shapes reality more than we realize. Two people can look at the same situation and see entirely different possibilities. It helped me frame how I approached leadership, change, and now coaching. When someone tells me, "This is just the way it is," a part of me naturally wonders, "Is it? Or is that simply one way of seeing it?"
Living between cultures taught me that there is rarely just one way to see a situation. Since then, I've become less interested in having the right answers and more interested in asking better questions — because better questions have a way of opening doors that certainty often keeps closed.
We live in a culture that prizes answers. The confident statement. The definitive plan. The five-year roadmap. Uncertainty is treated as a problem to be solved as quickly as possible — something to push through, manage away, or avoid entirely.
But what if uncertainty isn't the obstacle? What if it's actually the doorway?
One of the most transformative shifts I've witnessed in my coaching practice — and experienced in my own life — is the move from tolerating the unknown to inhabiting it with curiosity. Living in the question. Trusting the process of becoming, even before you can see where it leads.
"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves." — Rainer Maria Rilke
Why We're Terrified of Not Knowing
The discomfort of uncertainty is neurological. The human brain is wired to predict and control — it's a survival mechanism. Ambiguity registers in the same region of the brain as physical threat. That's why the unknown can feel physically uncomfortable, even when we're sitting safely in a chair thinking about our future.
But here's what I want you to notice: the stories we tell to escape that discomfort are often far worse than the uncertainty itself. We catastrophize. We make premature decisions just to feel settled. We choose the familiar — even when it's limiting — over the unknown, even when it's full of possibility.
What would it mean to choose differently?
What "Living in the Question" Actually Means
Living in the question is not passivity. It is not the same as being indecisive, unfocused, or drifting. It is a posture — an orientation toward your life that holds both the desire for a clear destination and the trust that the path will reveal itself as you walk it.
It sounds like:
- "I don't know exactly how this will unfold, and I'm moving forward anyway."
- "I trust that I will find the next step when I take this one."
- "I don't need to see the whole staircase. I just need to see the next step."
This is not wishful thinking. It is a deliberate choice to orient toward possibility rather than paralysis.
The Freedom That Comes with It
Something remarkable happens when you stop requiring certainty before you'll move. You become lighter. More available to what's actually in front of you. More responsive to the unexpected opportunities that don't fit the plan — but that sometimes turn out to be the plan.
I've seen this in my own journey. I've lived through seasons when I desperately wanted certainty. When my husband was ill, when I found myself raising my daughter alone, when I retired after decades in a career I loved — certainty wasn't available. Looking back, I realize I didn't need a detailed map. I needed a clear direction, values I trusted, and the willingness to take the next indicated step. Each step revealed the next one. Had I insisted on seeing the entire path before I began, I might still be standing at the trailhead.
Three Practices for Living in the Question
1. Name the question you're living in
What is the central question of this season of your life? Not the problem you're trying to solve — the deeper question underneath it. "Who am I becoming?" "What is mine to do next?" "What would I pursue if I trusted myself?" Writing it down gives it form and takes away some of its power to frighten you.
2. Practice tolerating the gap
Between where you are and where you're going, there is a gap. The gap is not failure — it's the space where growth happens. Notice when you're trying to collapse the gap prematurely by forcing a decision or seeking false certainty. Practice sitting in it, even for a moment, without trying to fix it.
3. Take the next smallest brave step
Living in the question doesn't mean standing still. It means moving forward without requiring the full picture first. What is one small, brave action you could take today that is aligned with what you desire — even though you can't yet see what comes after it?
Trust Is the Practice
Ultimately, living in the question is a practice of trust — trust in yourself, trust in the process, trust that the life you desire is not out of reach but is being built one brave step at a time, even when you can't see the whole blueprint.
The answers you're looking for are coming. But they almost always come through the question, not around it. Lean in. Stay curious. Keep moving.
Ready to Explore Your Questions Together?
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is have a brave conversation. Book a complimentary Clarity Call with MJ and discover what becomes possible when you stop waiting for certainty.
Book Your Free Clarity CallMJ LaRoche is a Certified Life Mastery Consultant with the Brave Thinking Institute, helping clients move forward with clarity and courage — even in the midst of uncertainty.
